Dealing with Other People's Ill Children

We are in the midst of something that will change our lives and it actually has very little to do with us.

I have chosen to send my kids to a private, in-home childcare provider. I was in both licensed daycare and private care and I personally preferred the private care. My babysitter was like a mother to me. I wanted the same thing for my girls. I found an excellent childcare provider who loves my girls like her own and provides excellent care.

I don't want to go into too many details but she had a baby 5 months ago who has numerous health problems. We just got word today that she has a rare, severe congenital disorder. Her prognosis is not good. I couldn't find any information on mortality but from the details I was given she is going to suffer severe complications that will likely cause her death.

I'm heartbroken but numb at the same time. I cannot imagine what K is going through. I also have no idea how to help. I don't even know how to talk to my kids about this. This baby is essentially a sibling to them. They have been very involved in her life. I also shake my feeling of guilt order having two perfectly healthy kids.

What do you say to children about the illness of a baby? What do I tell my kids about how much their daily life will probably change? When do I make the call to find another childcare provider? Do I leave everything up to K? I can't imagine she will be in any kind of shape to look after kids for some time but I trust her to make her own decision.

We are in a holding pattern right now. The girls have a backup childcare provider who understands what K is going through and is willing to take the girls for now. S is a friend of K and has also gone through the ordeal of having an extremely ill child. She is great with kids and my kids love her but I don't think she will be a permanent replacement because she already has a full house.

I am going to respect K and let her sort through things on her own. I want to help but I know she already has an incredible support system so I'm not she what I can offer her. I want my kids to stay with her as long as possible but I don't want her to feel like she has to continue looking after my girls while she is going through this. When baby was first hospitalized I sent K funny stories about what my girls were up to in order to make her smile and to keep in touch without having to discuss what was going on at the hospital but that would feel wrong now. I might still send her a text to let her know the girls love her and miss her. I don't have to feel guilty about that.

Airing Complaints

Not having a good week. Kids aren't sleeping. Monkey has decided to be 2 a few weeks early. Baby J has started eating solid foods so she's adjusting to that change. Monkey has a nasty diaper rash. She screams every time I try to change her. I have to pin her down with my legs to change her. We've been potty training but no luck yet.
Daddy is working crazy hours. I have minimal help but at least I'm not totally alone. My biggest worry/complaint is that I have agreed to help out my SIL for 3 weeks in February. She's pregnant with triplets and is essentially on bed rest. Her husband is a marine engineer and is away for most of Feb. My in-laws, her parents, are helping her out now but they are going to Florida at the end of January for a month so they won't be able to look after SIL and her 11 y/old daughter.
I'm petrified that something will happen while I'm there. Daddy will be with us for part of the trip but for most of it it's just me. SIL has her in-laws nearby but word has it that she is not getting along with her MIL right now. Vi (my 11 y/o niece) is mostly able to look after herself by since SIL needs looking after too I will be there to help. Nana will be looking after Monkey for part of the visit but since J still hates bottles she will stay with me. In addition to worrying the SIL will go into labor I'm worried about how well we will get along. Being pregnant is hard on every body, but being pregnant with triplets and on bed rest would be extremely trying. I can only imagine how hard this is going to be on her and I am going to be there for part of it. I hope I can keep my patience with her and my girls.
Add to my problems an extremely messy house with piles of dishes and laundry and you have one stressed out Mommy Murple.