I knew it wouldn’t last forever. I have been harbouring a secret resentment whenever anyone comments on how well-behaved my baby is or how quiet she is. I would mentally knock on wood every time someone mentioned how she is sleeping.
They have cursed me. She has gone from being the “perfect” baby to being a real baby. One who cries, wakes repeatedly in the night, won’t settle down, hates being held but refuses to be put down.
Sure, right now she is playing quietly with her jungle mat, she recently learned how to make the tiger sing, but I can sense the storm brewing beneath the surface. I can hear her gears grinding, preparing for the inevitable.
I knew this was what I signed on for, I was prepared for it but that doesn’t make it any easier. I spend a good part of my day frustrated, tired and ready to snap, but the moment she smiles or laughs either at me or at her daddy all of that melts away. I never knew I could love one person so much. I always knew I was patient but I never knew that she would test the limits of my patience and that they would hold. I never knew I could be this tired and still run when she needs me. I knew I would love being a mother but I never knew that I would be able to hinge my identity on simple motherhood. This little person makes my world a better place.