Officially started Christmas Shopping!

I just ordered my first Christmas present. I am getting something Hockey-related for Husband. It's something he has been asking for for some time. I might wind up giving it to him for his birthday.

I am look at quite a few more things, but this is a start.

Wish me luck!

Sleep Deprivation Is Not as Glamourous As It Sounds

I'm feeling very tired again. Squishy had a bad sleep day. She decided that napping is for losers and that she was a winner. Husband has run out of blood pressure meds and has been feeling it. He's got a Dr's appoint on Weds but until then he will be stressed and miserable.

I am not looking forward to work tomorrow. I will be the only one in the office. There was s recent move and most of my department is now in the big city about an hour's drive away. I am the only one there full time 5 days a week. On Monday's the only other person who might be in the office is Dwayne, and that's only if he doesn't have to drive any where.

Long Time No See

Howdy! It has been a while. How are things?

Everything is great here but very busy. I am now back to work, preparing to be a videographer. I am not entirely sure I'm qualified but I am going to try my damnedest.

Squishy is huge. She has two teeth and is very close to crawling. She is eating and growing as well as can be expected. Even though I work during the day I am still breastfeeding at night.

We are all settled into our new house. Things are finally getting under control.

In crafting news I have joined the local embroidery guild. I hope to improve my embroidery and cross-stitch skill. They are a bunch of great ladies who welcomed us with open arms.

100th Post!

I was about to write an average update about the move, Squishy, the bank screwing stuff up and my desire to bake when I noticed that this is my 100th blog post. Yay me!

As I look back on the previous 99 entries I notice that there is very little tying them all together. I have written about a little bit of everything. I think this speaks to my scatter-brained nature. I have a hard time focusing on any one thing for any length of time. I started this blog as a writing exercise and I think that, as such, it has been quite successful.

I am able to look back at the different posts and I know that I will not be embarrassed by them in 15 years when my daughter is old enough to future-equivalent-Google me. I may not be able to tell her exactly what I was planning on doing with this blog but it will serve as an accurate record of my life during this time. Hopefully I will be able to maintain this log as time goes on.

If you are reading this, thank you very much! I have not expected readers, so I am grateful to have any.

Day One of Move Complete

We have started our big move! Yesterday was spent taking one of the kitties to his new home and taking the first loads of boxes to the new house.

We have a lot of stuff but plenty of time to move it. I just hope Squish can cope with the strange schedule we will be on for the next month.

Teething, Need I Say More?

Squishy has started teething. She has been bemoaning her current situation at all hours of the day and night. She slept fairly well for the first half of last night but as soon as the Tylenol wore off she was waking frequently. Ask me how excited I am. She is trying like hell to sit up on her own. She's getting pretty good but I think it will take a while. She is not tiny so that is a lot of body for her to learn to balance.

In other news, we're moving! We found a house in the area that is reasonably priced with which we can all live. It's an older home but it has enough room so that Squishy has a room, Daddy and I have a room, Doodles and C have 2 rooms and Daddy has an office. I think I am going to take over part of the office for my craft stuff. The best part? It has a washer and dryer!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! We start moving Tuesday, but we have all of August to move. I should be packing right now, but I'm feeling lazy.

What else is new... I made some awesome cupcakes. Nana bought me Martha Stewart's Cupcakes while she was visiting so I tried one of the recipes. I made Brown Sugar Pound Cake with Brown Butter Icing. They are delicious. Daddy thinks they are a little too sweet but he never had much of a sweet tooth.

Tall Ships, Visit from Nana, Mommy Brain

We have had a fun weekend. Nana came for a visit and we went to see the Tall Ships in Halifax yesterday. Nana just left and Squishy is still asleep.

My brain is a little fried. I keep trying to write another "real" post but I can't seem to wrap my head around any of my thoughts long enough to compose something worth reading. Mom says that this will get better in time but I think "Mommy Brain" is going to be something I have to battle on a daily basis for a long time.

I've also been neglecting my crafts. I keep trying to start things, but I get 10 minutes in to a project and I lose track of what I am doing or where I am going with the idea. I have 3 strands of finger knitting that I thought I was going to turn into something but I forget what. I have lots of yarn that needs to be knit or crocheted into something and I have TONS of polymer clay.

Oh well. Soon enough I will have more help around the house and I will hopefully use that time for crafty goodness.

Help PartSelect donate $10,000 to Breast Cancer Research & You Could Win!

Part Select, an online appliance parts retailer, is running an amazing contest. Check out the Paint Your Appliance Pink contest site or the Facebook Group for more details. The gist of it is that for every entry they will donate $25 to breast cancer research (up to $10,000) and you will be entered for a draw for awesome prizes.

The above picture is my first entry. There may or may not be more.

Home Again

We are back in NS after an extended vacation in NB. We are slowly recuperating. We had a great time. First we visited SIL in Maine so that she could spend some quality time with her "Fairy God-Child" and then we left Squishy in the care of her Nana while Mommy and Daddy took some time to themselves at The Camp.

I was petrified of spending my first night without my baby. I wasn't worried about her, since my mother did a fantastic job raising me, I was worried about me. I missed her so much! I didn't want to turn in to an emotional wreck worried about every little thing. I was worried that she wouldn't take the formula, or that she would forget how to breastfeed. I wanted her first night without Mommy to go smoothly so that Nana wouldn't be scarred for life and might agree to do that again. I worried needlessly. Squishy was on her best behavior and slept. I managed not to make Daddy drive to F'ton in the middle of the night to check that Squishy was sleeping.

Doodles and C joined us for the weekend. It rained. We did not go swimming even though Squishy had her first dip in The Lake just days before. We did go to the aquarium and we went to town to visit the shops.

When we went to pick Squishy up from Nana's I was surprised by how much she had grown in only a few days. She looked so much bigger and older. She's not quite my little baby any more. She didn't forget how to breastfeed, and she maintained a healthy appetite while she was with Nana. I don't think I'll ever have to worry about her not eating. She is her father's daughter and Grampy's granddaughter.

Babies...

I knew it wouldn’t last forever. I have been harbouring a secret resentment whenever anyone comments on how well-behaved my baby is or how quiet she is. I would mentally knock on wood every time someone mentioned how she is sleeping.

They have cursed me. She has gone from being the “perfect” baby to being a real baby. One who cries, wakes repeatedly in the night, won’t settle down, hates being held but refuses to be put down.

Sure, right now she is playing quietly with her jungle mat, she recently learned how to make the tiger sing, but I can sense the storm brewing beneath the surface. I can hear her gears grinding, preparing for the inevitable.

I knew this was what I signed on for, I was prepared for it but that doesn’t make it any easier. I spend a good part of my day frustrated, tired and ready to snap, but the moment she smiles or laughs either at me or at her daddy all of that melts away. I never knew I could love one person so much. I always knew I was patient but I never knew that she would test the limits of my patience and that they would hold. I never knew I could be this tired and still run when she needs me. I knew I would love being a mother but I never knew that I would be able to hinge my identity on simple motherhood. This little person makes my world a better place.

Choice again

Wahoo! The abortion debate is hot in NB again and as usual I have something to say about it.

First, I apologize to a friend of mine for saying this since he has a personal connection but NB Health Minister Mike Murphy needs to resign. Sorry Mr. Murphy but your personal beliefs CANNOT interfere with your duty to ensure that everyone in NB has access to safe medical procedures and that those necessary procedures are paid for by Medicare. This includes a woman’s right to a safe abortion. It is not your place to allow anyone’s personal opinions to interfere with health care. I respect your right to hold opinions and I am not going to tell you that you are wrong but when your beliefs prevent you from upholding your duty as an elected official you need to step down and allow someone without that conflict of interests to do the job.

Aside from Mr. Murphy’s ridiculous statement the NB Appeals Courts has paved the way for Dr. Morgentaler to sue the NB government for payment of abortions provided in his clinic. The reason this is important is that the NB Gov’t has been claiming that only a woman who has had an abortion in the Fredericton clinic can sue for Medicare to cover the cost. No woman has stepped forward to sue so Dr. Morgantaler has taken it upon himself to do so in her absence.

As I was getting ready to finish this post I heard the news about Dr. George Tiller. I am deeply saddened at the loss of one of the few doctors in the US willing to practice late-term abortions. This just emphasizes the fact that though the fight for abortion rights is still a battle violence is never the answer.

I Can Haz Jorb?

I had my first post-baby job interview on Friday. I walked into the interview under the impression that I would not want the job, but now I think I would love it. It sounded challenging, exciting and fun. The only problem is that Husband is now fairly sure that he wants to stay in NS. So I'm continuing the hunt.

The interview was a strange experience. It's the first time I have been asked about my family in an interview. I was able to talk about what Husband does, how my daughter is growing and our plans for the future. I felt old. I'm not sure what my chances of landing a second interview with the company are. I felt good about how the initial interview went but I lack executive assistant experience. I was one of 12 picked for interviews out of 200 applicants. That alone feels like an accomplishment.

I am going to continue hunting both in NS and in NB and see what happens. I know I will find something but I am taking my time and being picky this time.

Grumpasaurus Regina...

The Squishy I knew and loved is gone. She has been replaced with a Grumpasaurus Regina. She does not want to be alone, but she doesn't want to play. She is sleeping through the night, but refuses to take naps in the afternoon.

Yay babies!

Hunting for the Elusive Career...

I'm starting to think I should have begun career planning when I was still in university. I am at a huge disadvantage due to my complete and total lack of tangible skills. I have a lot of skills that are intangible, however how well can you demonstrate an ability to learn new skills on a resume? Therein lies my problem.

I am still hunting for a career. I've been offered my old job back, the one at the Portrait Studio, but I need something with more hours and more room for advancement. The job market in small town NS is slim pickings for someone with a BA and no practical skills.

I have applied for a few jobs in the 'Fax and in the F'ton area but I'm not sure if Husband wants to move, or wants to watch me commute every day. All I know is that I do not want to wait tables or work in a restaurant again. I thought I was done with that when I graduated.

Back to the grind

Now that Squishy is getting bigger and more independent I am starting to think about life outside the home again. Husband and I have been discussing me going back to work to allow him to take parental leave. This had been our initial plan before I was laid off but since I wasn’t able to find a “real” job after I was let go we have just planned for me to stay home since we need his income.
The only problem with my job hunt is that I don’t think I will find a job in our area. This isn’t entirely bad. Husband and I both want to move back to the homeland to be closer to our families. I have been looking for work back in F’ton where I think I have the best chance of finding something I will like. I think it will take some time for me to find a job where I will be able to use my talents. I would desperately love to do something in the non-profit sector that involves online marketing or publication and promotions, but I think I have to start in administration again.

Trip to the Park

Yesterday was Squishy's first trip to Victoria Park. We had an exciting time since the trails were still covered in ice and Daddy was carrying her in her Snuggly-thing. She slept the entire time we were walking. Daddy took some pictures with his new camera, but I don't think he's put them on his computer and I don't know how to use his new camera.

Everything was beautiful but a little scary. The water in the stream was roaring from all of the rain we've had recently. The ice that covered most of the trails was a little treacherous and we almost fell several times.

We will be frequenting the park more as the weather warms up. I can't wait until Squishy is big enough to play in the playground, and dip in the water. I think Daddy will be taking lots of pictures with his new water-proof camera.

In an unrelated note, Daddy recently commented that he doesn't have many pictures of me holding Squishy. As I thought about it, I realized why. As soon as there is someone else around to look after her, I usually hand Squishy over to them. Daddy usually wants to take pictures when something special is going on, meaning there is usually someone around to hold Squishy while I get stuff done. I spend most of my day holding her, playing with her and feeding her but there are no pictures of this because I spend a good chunk of my day alone with her.

Dinner With Friends

I made dinner last night, complete with cupcake dessert. Squishy was well-behaved and only fussed when we were just sitting down to dinner. Daddy took over soother duty, so he sat with her for a while until she settled so he could eat.

This was my first attempt at fancy cupcakes. I took pictures!


Decorations made free-hand from royal icing. It didn't harden as much as I had hoped.


My silicone cupcake cups.


Some finished cupcakes!

It was fun, and I will have to make more soon!

I'm being watched...

It feels like I've got tiny little eyes on me all the time. There is a little person living in my house that takes in everything. I can't believe how much she pays attention to everything that is going on. If the TV is on she will watch the movement and colours, if she's in her swing she stares around the room. I make sure that I sit in her line of sight. If I'm not in her line of sight I tell her where I am. She just sits and watches.

We had our 1st set of needles this week. On Monday we went to the Dr. and she was a brave girl. She was bawling of course but stopped as soon as we got in the Jeep. She has almost started laughing, when she is particularly amused she makes practice laughing noises. She is becoming much more vocal at the same time. She has conversations with me and with Daddy when he gets home from work.

Doodles and C are coming over for dinner tonight. I am going to attempt to make fancy cupcakes in addition to the roast. I'm not sure what else we will do but we always have a good time when they visit.

First Bottle!

I am so proud! Squishy just took her first bottle from her father! She only put up minimal resistance. I didn't pump much so she was still hungry and needed some boob.

Another Day

Squishy is in her swing asleep and Husband is sleeping in because he has the day off work. I'm watching crappy daytime TV waiting for something to happen. I suppose I could get up and so more laundry, or clean the cat's litter box but I want to be lazy right now. Maybe I'll get another cup of coffee.

Squishy sleeps like her father. They both make the same noises and they both dream. I think her dreams are vivid since she is very active and vocal when she dreams. She has been sleeping very well. Last night she slept from 11 to 4:30 and was back to sleep well before 5. The night before she didn't wake at all from 11pm to 6am.

The cats are still mad at me. Rook keeps trying to get me to pay attention to him, but he does that by getting on Squishy's laundry or trying to jump in my lap when I'm breastfeeding. Luna just ignores me.

Back in NS

We are back in Nova Scotia after a lovely visit to New Brunswick. We got to introduce Squishy to Husband's family. Gramma and Grampy are wonderful with Squishy. Auntie Lizard and Aunt Fuffer got some quality time with Squishy.

I have known my MIL long enough to know that she has a very strong personality. This was the first time I have ever felt at-odds with her. She is the best mother-in-law I could imagine but I was not prepared for her assuming most of the responsibility for Squishy. I enjoyed knowing that someone else would look after her if I needed help, but MIL took that role quite seriously, once going so far as to take Squishy out of my arms. That was a strange experience. I know that the only reason she did that was because the sound of a crying baby has the same effect on her as fingernails on a chalkboard but it still made me question two things I have not yet considered;

1) Am I doing everything I can to comfort my child?
2) Does my MIL think I am a bad mother?

I think that these questions will continue to plague me for the rest of my life.

Boobs are the Center of Her Universe

Squishy has grown. She is almost 11lbs and she's not even a month old. She has gained about a pound a week since we got home from the hospital. She loves boobs. She feeds at least ever 3 hours, usually more frequently than that. Bad news though, we have thrush. My nipples have been killing me. They have been bright pink and one has had some residue on the areola. Squishy has the same white residue in her mouth. We've both got prescriptions for it and hopefully everything will clear up quickly. I have had no other problems with breastfeeding so this must be my trial.

Test Run

Yesterday was our test run for our trip home. We took a brief shopping trip to the city to see how well she would do in the car and in new situations. She did amazingly well. She slept most of the car trip so that was no problem and she only got fussy when she was hungry and she only had to be changed twice.

She let me try on and buy some new clothes. We bought her some toys for the trip to NB and a baby bed for our bed. HUsband still needs new clothes but that will wait.

Squishy is growing so fast. I can't believe she's almost 4 weeks old. We have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. Hopefully she will check out ok. She's eating well and making lots of dirty diapers for us. She has started learning to mimic funny faces. Husband sticks his tongue out at her and she can stick hers out back with a little effort! He is completely wraped around her little finger. I have never seen a man so in love with such a tiny little person. He would do absolutely anything for that little girl.

3 Weeks

Squishy is now 3 weeks old. She is getting so big! She is learning to hold her head up for longer and she recognizes voices. When we talk to Mom she looks towards the speaker when Mom is talking. I miss Mom, and I'm sort of wishing we were closer to our parents.

She has had a few sleepless nights and we've had a few scares. She fell last night and I have never been so scared in my life. I was completely petrified and inconsolable for about an hour. Husband was just as scared, but he kept his cool as usual. He is really shining at the fatherhood thing. He is amazing. He does the groceries, he wakes up to change her and comfort her at night and he snuggles her every chance he gets.

We are going for dinner tonight. Hopefully Squishy will stay asleep while we are out. It's an experiment. We might try to go to the city tomorrow to shop and as a test run for the trip to NB.

First Day Alone

Today is my first day alone with Squishy. She is doing fine. She slept most of today so far and has enjoyed her baby sling. I am managing to get some laundry done while she is sleeping.

Right now she is hiccupping and observing the world in her bouncing chair. I think she is going to start fussing soon so this will be a short post.

One major thing I am learning is that even though she is small, and even thought she sleeps most of the time she needs a lot of attention.

Squishy Update

Squishy is doing very well. She had her first doctor's appointment yesterday and she is growing nicely. She eats more than I ever imagined, and since I'm breastfeeding I often feel like I'm permanently attached to her. Breastfeeding was one of my biggest fears. I was worried that I wouldn't have the patience to sit with her for hours to feed. I thought that she might not take to breastfeeding and I thought that it might be too painful to do frequently. I have not had any of these problems. She has taken to breastfeeding, I have not suffered too horribly and we get to spend a lot of time together.

She sleeps a lot. She sleeps when she eats, when she's being burped, when she is in her sling and when she is in the car. I was told that newborns slept most of the time, but I was expecting to sleep less myself. Right now I am only waking up twice a night, once at 11pm and once somewhere between 3 and 4am. I wake up for good around 6:30 and 7am.

One thing I have been surprised about is how little home life has changed. Husband and I still have time to read, play video games and spend lots of quality time on the internet. I have not fallen behind on any of my chores. The dishes are getting done, the laundry isn't piling up as much as I had feared. I have been advised to plan some projects that can be done in fits and spurts so that I don't go insane with boredom, but I'm not occupied when I'm needed by the Squishy One.

I am now, at least temporarily, a SAHM

I am no longer "unemployed"! I am now a Stay At Home Mom. Squishy was born Jan. 30th at 5:03pm. She was 8lbs, 6oz and more work than I care to admit. I spent almost a week in the hospital waiting for her arrival. Nana is coming tomorrow to stay with us for a while since Husband goes back to work to do inventory.

The first week has been an experience. I have gone through so many emotions, all of them earth-shattering and entirely new. I am learning how to arrange everything around this new little person. Husband and I have been getting out and continuing to do stuff like going to the mall but we are both still in awe and a little shell-shocked. She has changed everything, but I'm surprised by how much still feels the same.

Sleep isn't as big of an issue as I had worried. We are getting about as much sleep as before, it's just at diffferent times. I'm a little worried about what life will be like with Husband back at work. We will see what happens.

Still no Monkey

I'm still pregnant. Today is my 25th birthday. I was expecting to have my baby by now. I am feeling odd. I am still anxious, I hurt but not in the way I think I'm supposed to hurt and I just don't feel right. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so if nothing changes before then the ob/gyn will be able to help me figure out what's going on. I'm hopeful that things will change today and I will have a baby soon!

Still Waiting

ARGHHHHH!!!

I'm due in 2 days. I have not experienced the "uncontrollable urge to clean" that my mother has been waiting for but I have been feeling twinges and tweaks of discomfort and back pain that precede labor.

The ob/gyns are happy with how everything is going but I'm getting impatient. The baby's room is completely ready, the hospital bags have been packed and re-packed and I'm going insane. To top it all off I turn 25 next week. In all likelihood I will be in the hospital on my birthday. I don't think I'm getting a cake this year but Mom said she will bring my present with her when I call her to come to the hospital with me.

I will try to keep everyone up-to-date on what is happening in my uterus. Hopefully v2.0 will be here within the next few days.

No Baby Yet

So, there is no baby yet. I am trying to be patient. I am walking every day for about an hour and doing the things the doctor told me to do to make sure I don't go past my due date. Things have started happening but very slowly. The baby has dropped, my abdomen is tighter but I'm not having contractions.

I have been feeling a little lonely and stir-crazy the last few days. The ob/gyn recommended I frequent Maggie's Place once the baby's born. I have been meaning to drop by but I'm at the point where I don't want to do too much outside the house by myself.

Maggie's Place is a family resource center aimed at families with younger children. They have breastfeeding support, a Public Health nurse, a toy library, play groups and all kinds of other fun stuff. I think that once the baby is born I will be there often.

I have been thinking about things that I want to make the baby. Here's the list of what I've already made:
- white sweater
- 3 beanie-type hats
- a onesie with v2.0 stenciled on the front
- glow in the dark stuffed stars

I want to make the baby:
- a glow in the dark moon to go with the stars
- a red hoodie with devil horns (Husband was convinced by an ultrasound picture that our baby is the devil)
- bibs (maybe made with fused plastic backing)

But I don't have the ambition to make much right now as most of my energy is focused on waiting.

Only a week and a bit left I hope!

Crazy Month. Now I'm Playing the Waiting Game

It has been one hell of a month. I'm all done work, it was a great time but I'm not sure if I'll go back next year. We will see what happens between now and October.

Christmas and New Years went off without a hitch. I was able to stay with Mom and Dad for a few days. Little Brother is in the process of moving back in with them so that he can find a job and pay off some of his debts before going back to school. He brought his cat with him so Phebs has a new play-mate.

Christmas was amazing. My family is very dorky. We played "Survivor; Gibson Lake" at the camp on Christmas day. I didn't participate much as the activities were mostly outside and a little too physically demanding for my 8-and-a-half months pregnant ass. Dinner was great, Mom, Aunt Mary and Uncle Ryan were in the kitchen and they did a great job. Everything was tasty and everyone was well-fed.

For New Years we had a lobster dinner with Doodles and C. Husband had entirely too much fun traumatizing the lobsters. We played my new Trivial Pursuit (I won) and some Rock Band 2.

Now I'm sitting around the house feeling useless and playing the waiting game. The doctor says that everything is perfect, and now we're just waiting for the baby to decide to be born. I'm not due for another 2 weeks but I am starting to hate this waiting to go into labor thing. This is the most nerve-wracking part. I feel lazy and useless, lonely and bored.