What Do I Do Now?

Life is a little weird right now. Things are good but there is stuff going on that I don't really know how to process, let alone deal with, move passed and build upon.

Husband has recently been diagnosed with depression.

Yeah, not a big deal, millions of people are diagnosed with and treated for depression every year. I'm proud of him for getting the help he needs and I have promised him that I will do anything and everything in my power to be there for him in whatever way necessary. I love him and want nothing more than for him to be healthy so that our kids have a functioning, involved, loving Daddy.

The problem comes from me not really knowing what to do with myself. I have told him I support him, no matter what. I have let him know that if he ever needs to talk about anything, I am here for him. I am trying to continue on as if everything is normal but we both know it's not normal. He says there's nothing actually wrong so there's nothing for him to talk about. He just feels like shit all the time and needs something to balance out his lows.

He's not sad any more, but the drugs also take away his happys. He doesn't seem to have the same joy. His ambition is gone. A minor example, normally he loves Halloween, goes all-out with a huge, homemade costume. This year he almost didn't have one. He got a great costume together at the last minute (two-face to go with our oldest's Bat-Girl). It just takes a lot more effort for him to give a damn.

This is where my problem comes in. I can handle him in a low mood, I can deal with the anger, with the desire to be left alone and the short-temper. I'm not sure how to deal with someone who does not seem to take any joy in things. We have two small children who need someone to celebrate the joy in life with them. I want someone who will passionately throw themselves into things around the house, someone who wants things.

I know these things take time, that treating depression is an unrefined science with many different treatments to try. Nothing works for everyone and it always takes time to figure out what will work for each individual. I do not expect an over-night cure where a magic pill takes away his lows but allows him to keep his highs. I am happy that he is trying to get better and that he wants to be healthy. I am proud of him and I love him. I just never expected it to be this hard to just sit by and wait.

Venting Frustration

I love my husband but he is driving me nuts today. I have spent the day cleaning shit. Both of the bathrooms have been cleaned, he hasn't had to change a single diaper and I've cleaned the cabinet were a rodent friend has been hiding. I don't want to hear shit about not putting the clean dish towels away. Sure, he was quite polite about it but still, when I spend a good chunk of the day doing the disgusting chores while he watches cartoons with the kids and plays video games I deserve a break for not getting the towels into the drawer.

Married Life

Husband has been acting weird lately. He keeps asking if there is something wrong and then he gets quiet when I tell him the only thing wrong is that I'm tired due to the twice nightly wakeups. He thinks that he doesn't do enough around the house or with the girls which is sometimes true. When I ask him to do something as often as not he forgets and I have to do it. My strategy is to leave Baby J with him while I do the things that need to be done like dishes and changing the bag in the diaper pail. This works surprisingly well. He gets to spend time with his daughters and I get to finish the chores that didn't get done earlier.

He still thinks that there is something wrong no matter how many times I try to reassure him. I'm not sure what I can do to convince him that I am happy if a little sleep-deprived. Oh well, I will keep trying to reassure him that all is well. We're working very hard and trying to have time together where neither of us is stressed out or tired is going to be a challenge for the next 10 years or so.