Wherein I attempt to maintain a log of my thoughts and feelings about various things that affect me, interest me or amuse me. I mostly write about crafts, my daughters and my husband.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Nothing to Prove - The Doubleclicks
I'm in a music video! It's about the exclusivity of geekdom. As a geek girl, the daughter of a geek girl and the mother of two potential geek girls I have a valid opinion on the matter. This music video is excellent. The song is by the Doubleclicks and it's about how anyone laying claim to the title "Geek" should not have to prove their credibility to others who also claim this title.
The myth of the "Fake Geek/Gamer Girl" is well-known to any woman in geekdom. We have all encountered some kind of "test" of our geek cred which is really a shame, because although geekery is something to be proud of, it's not the key to some magical exclusive castle.It's an inclusive castle, dammit, with knights and princesses of both (any, neither) genders!
So, I submitted a clip to the makers of this video. Enjoy the excellent song. Take pride in the things you love and remember that a huge part of the joy of loving something is sharing it with others, no matter what their gender, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, or religion may be. Fuck you to anyone who thinks differently.
Monday, 22 July 2013
How do you teach a child about consent?
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Dealing with Other People's Ill Children
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I have chosen to send my kids to a private, in-home childcare provider. I was in both licensed daycare and private care and I personally preferred the private care. My babysitter was like a mother to me. I wanted the same thing for my girls. I found an excellent childcare provider who loves my girls like her own and provides excellent care.
I don't want to go into too many details but she had a baby 5 months ago who has numerous health problems. We just got word today that she has a rare, severe congenital disorder. Her prognosis is not good. I couldn't find any information on mortality but from the details I was given she is going to suffer severe complications that will likely cause her death.
I'm heartbroken but numb at the same time. I cannot imagine what K is going through. I also have no idea how to help. I don't even know how to talk to my kids about this. This baby is essentially a sibling to them. They have been very involved in her life. I also shake my feeling of guilt order having two perfectly healthy kids.
What do you say to children about the illness of a baby? What do I tell my kids about how much their daily life will probably change? When do I make the call to find another childcare provider? Do I leave everything up to K? I can't imagine she will be in any kind of shape to look after kids for some time but I trust her to make her own decision.
We are in a holding pattern right now. The girls have a backup childcare provider who understands what K is going through and is willing to take the girls for now. S is a friend of K and has also gone through the ordeal of having an extremely ill child. She is great with kids and my kids love her but I don't think she will be a permanent replacement because she already has a full house.
I am going to respect K and let her sort through things on her own. I want to help but I know she already has an incredible support system so I'm not she what I can offer her. I want my kids to stay with her as long as possible but I don't want her to feel like she has to continue looking after my girls while she is going through this. When baby was first hospitalized I sent K funny stories about what my girls were up to in order to make her smile and to keep in touch without having to discuss what was going on at the hospital but that would feel wrong now. I might still send her a text to let her know the girls love her and miss her. I don't have to feel guilty about that.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
How I Started Making Videos
A former co-worker told me she was leaving the company just as they were getting ready to start a new, kind of crazy project. She asked to meet me and told me about what was going on and what the project might be. I told her I was interested and that I would love to come back to work ASAP!!! (as long as I could find child-care). So, she relayed my thoughts to the bosses, we scheduled a meeting and I came in, looking like a new mom, haggard and frazzled.
They asked me about my experience with video production. None, other than what I’ve absorbed through osmosis from my father and growing up around a news studio.
They asked me about my experience with photography.
Minimal portrait taking for a chain studio. I had a vague understanding of 3-point lighting and NO idea how to properly use a camera. Again, I’d picked stuff up through being around amateur photographers, former professional photographers, and former news camera operators but I had never had more than a passing run-down of camera technology, let alone composition, technique, focus-pulling, etc... They asked me if I was interested in learning.
Hell yes. I love a challenge.
Good enough, they said.
I was fortunate enough to have an understanding of where to start and to have bosses willing to hire pros to teach me. We recruited a producer, a director of photography and an editor to show me the ropes. I had a week with the producer, two days with the DOP and two days with the editor. They tried to cram 4 years of film school into that brief time.
That was 3 years ago.
If you go back and look at our early efforts it is quite obvious that we had no idea what we were doing. I was still getting the hang of the camera, afraid to change any settings lest I did something I could not un-do. My “talent” - although a great teacher and an expert in his field- had never been on camera before. He was stiff and formal, obviously self-conscious and just as afraid as I was.
We are still learning ever day. Luckily, I am no longer afraid of my camera. I have read and re-read the manual so many times, trying to figure out how to get the most out of it. The pros we hired gave me a starting point. They gave me enough information to pick up the camera to shoot and sit down to edit the resulting footage. The main thing I needed to start producing our videos was the confidence to learn.
We started with nothing more than a goal. We wanted to make videos instructing customers how to properly install 500 of our top-selling parts. We knew how to provide the instructions. We had a clear idea of what we wanted to show customers so all we had to do was shoot it.
Video production takes time. I am constantly learning. I continue to read books, I am still taking courses and attending workshops but the most important thing I do is I shoot. I keep shooting videos, I keep editing, I keep writing scripts and I keep experimenting with my camera. Practice will never make me perfect, but it will make me better.
Get a camera, start shooting, read the manual, prepare for terrible footage, learn.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Handmade Holiday MADNESS!
We are at the beginning of our busy holiday/birthday season. We have 5 birthdays plus Christmas in the next 3 months. I'm trying to get the drop on gifts and making as much as possible, but I also am working on a big commissioned project for which I will actually get paid. The project is about three-quarters done but the final quarter is always the hardest, often taking twice as long as everything else (I'm looking at you, Alica's wedding present!)(it still isn't done yet...).
I have 3 gifts finished, plus Husband's request which wasn't really a gift, more of a challenge (beard hat). I'm working on 5 more gifts, with additional plans if I have the time.
I'm ambitious and slightly insane but I also think I have a good estimate of my abilities. I should be able, at the very least, to finish the things I have started. As for purchased gifts, we have MIL started, Little Brother complete, niece started and Monkey started. I have to purchase something for BsIL 1 and 2, SsIL 1 and 2, The Boys (4 nephews) and FIL.
Our family will be the last on the priority list. We have one big-ticket item on lay-away and that will probably be the only big thing we get each other.
Monday, 5 November 2012
What Do I Do Now?
Husband has recently been diagnosed with depression.
Yeah, not a big deal, millions of people are diagnosed with and treated for depression every year. I'm proud of him for getting the help he needs and I have promised him that I will do anything and everything in my power to be there for him in whatever way necessary. I love him and want nothing more than for him to be healthy so that our kids have a functioning, involved, loving Daddy.
The problem comes from me not really knowing what to do with myself. I have told him I support him, no matter what. I have let him know that if he ever needs to talk about anything, I am here for him. I am trying to continue on as if everything is normal but we both know it's not normal. He says there's nothing actually wrong so there's nothing for him to talk about. He just feels like shit all the time and needs something to balance out his lows.
He's not sad any more, but the drugs also take away his happys. He doesn't seem to have the same joy. His ambition is gone. A minor example, normally he loves Halloween, goes all-out with a huge, homemade costume. This year he almost didn't have one. He got a great costume together at the last minute (two-face to go with our oldest's Bat-Girl). It just takes a lot more effort for him to give a damn.
This is where my problem comes in. I can handle him in a low mood, I can deal with the anger, with the desire to be left alone and the short-temper. I'm not sure how to deal with someone who does not seem to take any joy in things. We have two small children who need someone to celebrate the joy in life with them. I want someone who will passionately throw themselves into things around the house, someone who wants things.
I know these things take time, that treating depression is an unrefined science with many different treatments to try. Nothing works for everyone and it always takes time to figure out what will work for each individual. I do not expect an over-night cure where a magic pill takes away his lows but allows him to keep his highs. I am happy that he is trying to get better and that he wants to be healthy. I am proud of him and I love him. I just never expected it to be this hard to just sit by and wait.
Friday, 26 October 2012
50% of shooting video is waiting...
Things have been both extremely busy and kind of slow. There are days that drag on because I'm doing something boring, but necessary, such as keeping my spreadsheets up to date and there are days where it feels like I can't get any one thing accomplished because I am trying to do 5 things at once. Shooting days are both kinds of day at once. I spend a good chunk of my day waiting for The Talent to get ready but once we start shooting there are 5 things to do at once.
With our set-up I am fortunate to only have to wait for one person. If we had a bigger crew there would be more people to organize and there would probably be a lot more waiting. I'm not very good with waiting so I have these crafts and my spreadsheets to keep me "busy."
Monday, 15 October 2012
Spreadsheets!!!
That said, the hardest (read; most boring, tedious, time-consuming) part of my job is updating the spreadsheets. When I had an assistant it was easier but now that I’m a one woman operation I have to actually update all of the spreadsheets myself. And as I update the spreadsheets, I get crazy ideas about new spreadsheets to keep track of more specific pieces of information and it all just snowballs until I look at the clock and realize I haven’t even started to cut today’s video.
The strangest part? I have no idea how to properly use Excel. Our HR/Accounting super-hero has to set everything up for me. And then I ask her to do crazy impossible things like “Count all the videos that have an embed code and no edited on date” and she can actually show me how to do it. I am starting to suspect that Excel runs on some sort of magic.
That’s the glamorous life of a repair video producer. My mornings are spent emailing, meeting, thinking, reviewing, spread-sheeting (it’s a verb now) and occasionally script-writing. My afternoons are spent in the glorious realm of editing where time does not exist (video editors know exactly what I mean). None of this would be possible without my spreadsheets. I would be completely lost and have no way of finding myself without them.
One of these days I will actually learn how to use them.
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
Ideas
I won't go into the specific work-related projects here because they are bordering on proprietary but the non-work one should probably be hashed out and released to the wild.
Inspired by The Lizzie Bennet Diaries I would love to make a vlog-style webseries based on one of the following books - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Lord of the Rings, Romeo and Juliet (or anything by Shakespeare), Neverwhere, or something by Kurt Vonnegut.
I've also been watching more YouTube educational/thought-provoking stuff like Crash Course and PBS Idea Channel and I would love to do something like that where I can explore philosophy, history, (pop) culture, literature, a little science and big ideas, probably something that would specifically relate to feminism and women's studies.
I'll probably keep these ideas percolating for a little while. Most of my creative energy until Christmas will be spent crocheting 10 Doctor Who characters for a friend's husband.
Thursday, 13 September 2012
I'm not a Feminist but... Ok, I'm totally a Feminist
Now, as with anything worth doing on the internet, trolls were involved. I'm not going to repeat anything the trolls have said here, but use your imagination. It's about 110% worse than that.
I'm excited to see what Anita can do with the money she raised. I'm thrilled that a feminist pop culture expert is able to devote herself 100% to making kickass feminist videos and I'm anxious to see where this takes feminism on YouTube and in videos games.
That said, I'm disappointed in this article from New Media Rockstars.
The first two paragraphs are informative and make some attempt at impartiality. The rest of the article is full of dismissive statements, unacknowledged privilege and veiled sexism.
This makes the reporter sound like one of the trolls he was keen to deride in the same article. Damn right she's busy playing the video games the internet bought her. How is Anita supposed to make a groundbreaking video about female tropes in video games without first hand experience? We need an authentic voice speaking to the good and bad qualities of women's portrayal in every aspect of media. Video games have long been vexing feminists and now that our generation has grown up gaming we need to engage in an ADULT conversions about what these female characters do to and for the rest of us, the same way we discuss how women are portrayed in movies, on television and in books."I emailed Anita in an attempt to get some clarity with this whole thing, but as of this story going to press, I have not heard from her. I guess she’s busy playing all those video games the Internet bought her."
I would love to know what Sarkeesian thinks of Lara Croft, the female protagonist of the hugely popular Tomb Raider series. Sure, she wears hot pants and has a bust-to-torso ratio that would make Barbie jealous, but she’s a strong, independent, woman with her own business (even if Tomb Raiding seems likely illegal) and no male figurehead upon whom she depends. Is that the feminist ideal?
No, Lara Croft is not a feminist ideal. Some aspects of her character are admirable but if you look at the whole Lara Croft package she was not written or designed to emulate real, relate-able, strong women. She would fall under the trope of "fighting f*&k toy" that Anita has listed as the topic for video #2. She is a one dimensional character with daddy issues who, while extremely tough, is there to be ogled and almost all of her interactions are with men, either helping or hindering her in her quest.
In my mind, women can have compelling story arcs and not just be background fodder or arm candy for the male character, and they can even look good doing it. But maybe I am just a sort-of troll myself — one who writes in longform?
At least you're a self-aware troll. That's an improvement.
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
YouTube News
Along this vein, YT is also S...L...O...W...L...Y rolling out customizable thumbnails to all monetized partners. Both of these changes are necessary for improving YT's push for better, easier to identify, high-quality content. Keeping tags mostly private and allowing for customizable thumbnails should add to the quality of YouTube overall. Everyone is pumped about the thumbnails, as they well should be. Thumbnails are at least as important as titles. Without the customizable thumbnails we have very little control over what still of our video gets seen in the search results or in the suggested videos column.
With all this, I have been wondering if YT is going to continue to improve "find-ability" since one of the major problems we encounter is with YT's search algorithms. In theory we should see most of our views coming from YT search. Our types are not ones that people randomly come across when they are looking for entertainment. We offer specialized instructions for specific parts. Viewers should not have to take the long way (search, find one video that kind of looks like what they need, see our video in "Suggested Videos" and click on the thumbnail) to find us. They should be able to search in YouTube for the problem and directly find our video. Right now, YT is smart enough to put our channel there for advertising purposes, but none of our videos are near the top of the results.Friday, 24 August 2012
My Life as a Producer
There is actually very little creative work done for instructional videos. I am trying to launch some new ideas however I have to wait for the marketing team to develop some strategies and adapt their own ideas. I create many things but the work is as much technical and organizational as it is creative. I’m mostly stuck expressing myself though crochet.
I frequently dream of producing something a little more me, an extension of my interests and life but I worry that there are already so many other vlogs and video content that I will get lost in the fray and never make an impact.
So I will stick to our repair videos, occasionally making some fun or informational content and I will continue to crochet. Check out this guy!
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
And this is why we will (probably) never be Internet Famous
Today I read their article called Schmooze Optimization: What it is and Why it Expands Views, Engagement, and Earnings on YouTube and I was reminded of why I will probably never be internet famous. Excellent article if you get past the name-dropping. It puts a different spin on the "Collaborate, collaborate" mantra I hear so often in the online video world.
It was never really my dream to be internet famous, but over the last few years I have dreamed of rubbing elbows with the execs at Maker Studios, Revision3 or plain old DeFranco Inc. I would not give my first born but maybe her favorite toy to work on a project with any of the above.
Unfortunately I live in a bad place to integrate myself into the network of online video schmoozers. We have a surprising number of Hollywood movies and the occasional TV series shot in our backyard (Hobo with a Shotgun, Call me Fitz, Picnic Face are all local productions) but the online video community is miniscule. I went to a Women in Film and Television conference this year and I was the ONLY ONE doing online video exclusively.
What I'm trying to say is, I want to schmooze. I want to rub elbows and talk shop and be involved in the community I love but location and a reluctance to uproot my family prevent that.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Husbands (not mine, the series)
The big change for season 2 is the length. Season 1 was 11 2 minute-long episodes but as online video has grown in popularity longer format videos have become more popular. I prefer the longer format for sitcoms. I have a tendency to watch all episodes in a marathon run when they are shorter format. Season 2 is 3 9 minute long episodes.
The best part about online is the freedom. They can do a series about a gay married ballplayer with explicit dialogue and not worry about censors. So far there has not been any explicit action and I don't expect there to be. This has a genuine sitcom feel and looks like it would be appropriate on an open-minded network.
Thursday, 16 August 2012
One More Re-Shoot
I am in an extremely fortunate position. Re-shoots are not a big deal because we shoot weekly on the same set anyway so it won't cost us much in terms of time or money. Other productions don't have that luxury.
Hopefully I can get this last piece of the puzzle shot tomorrow and that will be the end of it.
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Scripts and Being Sick
The big problem is that I have a cold. I am struggling with the dopey-headed, drug-induced stupidity that comes with it. I have the attention span of a 2 year-old and the energy of an overfed house cat. I'm even having trouble focusing on this, and this isn't "officially" work.
I have the scripts in my head, I'm just not in a state to get them out as painlessly as usual. I keep watching and reading things about the miraculous powers of baking soda and I am completely uninspired.
Thursday, 2 August 2012
The Worlds of Viral Video from PBS
Where is online video going? Where is the line between advertiser and producer? I keep thinking we are using an old model in new ways when we talk about producers and advertisers becoming one. When television was in its infancy individual shows were sponsored by individual advertisers, with the products worked into the content in whatever way possible. The videos I make are very similar. We tread a line between product demonstration and general knowledge instruction. This gives us the unique opportunity to have consent content development and the materials for constant output. Granted, sometimes we will shoot 3 (or more) variations or the same repair but we are starting to move beyond just the part-specific instructional videos.
As we develop more creative content I am faced with the reality that although we are among the pioneers of online video in our specific branch of retail we are far from the pioneers of online how-to videos. We will have to find our voice in the chorus and work on what makes us stand out. We have aspirations and grand designs but we need to develop some very specific skills before we can get too much further down the creative content road. We are just getting the hang of written content and now I am pushing for video content.
So, I'm signing up for every course I can with the local film co-ops and I'm writing as many scripts as I can even if I never plan on using them.
Monday, 30 July 2012
YouTube News
As YouTube grows and becomes a launching ground for more entertainment careers there will be more stories like this. The Internet seems to bring out the worst in some people, including the content creators. YouTube is no exception. The conversation needs to be about how to educate potential perpetrators that this is wrong, that asking underage girls (or boys for that matter) for explicit material or providing them explicit material is sexual assault.
The victim-blaming that I have seen is disgusting and although parental involvement with online activities is necessary the girls in question are not at fault here. They were exploited by a man who has no interest in their well-being. Sure, you can argue that 18 is an arbitrary age for determining sexual autonomy when so many young people are engaged in sexual relationships there needs to be a line. 18 years is the best line we have and the ambiguity of sex is cleared up a little bit with that line.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Re-shoots and Backups
Long story short, I had to re-shoot some scenes and turn pieces that I had intended to be voice-over only into actual clips for the video. I sent her a revision in the hopes that she would be able to let me know if the changes I made are satisfactory or if I need to book our child star in for another re-shoot in August.
To pass the time I have been working on tightening up the audio in the voice overs and ensuring that all the levels are the same. Our biggest obstacle as a whole is good audio. I have been trying really hard to focus on improving our sound but without any formal training in sound I'm running into some difficulties.
Other than that I have registered for a data management workshop in the city in August. I am hoping that I will learn how to best streamline data storage in post so that I am less likely to lose anything important. So far it looks like we've only lost a small bit of unnecessary footage from last year's staff BBQ but that is more lost that I want. I've got to re-think how we store data and conduct our backups.
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Voice Overs Will Cover a Multitude if Sins
As I'm cutting everything together I am a little nervous about the voice overs. There isn't a lot of time that I want to spend away from the action. Right now I have everything around 3 minutes but there's a lot of "dead-air" with a little action and no dialogue. I'm hoping I can cut that down a little but with the voice-overs.









